Am I a fraud?

Hey there Sunflowers! How is everyone holding up during quarantine?




I know it's been a while and I'm honestly working on being more consistent with my uploads, i just have so many ideas that I get overwhelmed with which one to execute and how i want it to look. But no more of that! I'm just gonna start posting and recording and see what happens!


Today's entry is inspired by last weeks episode of Insecure: Lowkey Movin' On. In this episode we see what Issa has been working so hard for in the first 4 episodes as well as her friends reaction to her success. We watch as she goes through the motions of people not showing up and making sure the vendors are happy and that the talent actually arrives all while trying to not entertain any drama or have any bad energy spread at her event.



I watch the Wine Down after every episode because it really makes me feel like I'm in the discussion breaking down the actual feelings of the characters in that episode. This episode really hit home for me because she spoke about Impostor Syndrome and all of the emotions and anxiety that come with it and I thought that'd be a perfect topic for me to dig into.


For those of you wondering what it is exactly...


im·pos·tor syn·drome

noun

  1. the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills. "people suffering from impostor syndrome may be at increased risk of anxiety"

Basically, it's always questioning your seat at the table. Constantly doubting your accomplishments and fearing that you'll be exposed as a "fraud".


There are said to be 5 categories of Impostor Syndrome:

  • Perfectionists

  • Experts

  • Natural Genius

  • Soloists

  • Superman/woman






Perfectionists set extremely high expectations for themselves and even if 99% of their goals are met, they still feel like failures.








Experts need to know all information before jumping into a project. Constantly looking for new ways to improve their skills. They aren't the type to ask questions out of fear of looking stupid for not knowing the answer.







Natural Genius' believe that if they struggle to work hard or accomplish something it means that they aren't good enough. They are used to skills coming easy and when they have to put in extra effort, their brain tells them that's proof they're an impostor.










Soloists feel that they have to accomplish everything on their own and if they need to have to ask for help, they're an impostor or fraud.














Superman/woman often push themselves to work harder than those around them. They work hard to prove they're not impostors and have to succeed in all aspects in life.










I personally believe that I am a mix of Natural Genius and Soloist. I 100% understand not feeling capable or like this is something I should be doing when things get a little tough. I also feel that if I have to ask for help or have anyone else's hands in the mix, the success wasn't fully mine and I've failed.


I mean, take my website for example. I have so many ideas and concepts that I want to drop but I'm finding the brand as a whole is taking a lot more time and energy and overall drive to be successful and I'm constantly hearing the voice in my head telling me I don't belong in this world and that I'm going to fail. I've recorded the same video at least 6 different times and I'll watch it back and just think to myself "What are you doing?" "You don't belong here." "People aren't going to be receptive to this." I know that isn't necessarily true because I've had some pretty positive feedback on my site as a whole. My own fear and self doubt is getting in the way of being successful.


I consider myself a Jane of all trades so if something doesn't come naturally to me, I automatically think it wasn't meant for me to do. Which isn't the case at all! You're supposed to learn and grow and everything can't just be handed to you, you have to work for it. That's what I've learned recently. You can't just expect success to happen overnight and you definitely can't compare your work and level of success to others or you'll always feel like a failure.


Some characteristics of Impostor Syndrome are:

  • Self Doubt

  • Fear that you won't live up to expectations

  • Attributing your success to external factors

  • Sabotaging your own success

  • Berating your performance

  • Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short


I often find myself setting these unattainable goals and then getting disappointed when they aren't reach and just calling the whole thing off.



With all problems come a solution. Here's how I've been working through Impostor Syndrome...


First, I write.

I have a notebook dedicated to every area of my life and I just write down any concept, training, budget, schedule or feeling I'm having about it. If I don't feel comfortable talking to someone about it, I make sure to write it down. The main point is to make sure I don't hold any of it in. I need to leave my mind clear for positive thoughts only.


Also, I'm asking for help.



I'll ask my family and friends for help when needed. If I need someone to film the video of me, I'll ask. If I need someone to hold me accountable, I'll ask. If I just want to run an idea by someone to see if it sounds right and to get their feedback, I'll ask. No more feeling like I have to do it on my own.


Lastly, I'm being patient with myself.



I'm not setting goals that I know I can't reach and I'm just taking everything one day, one post, one video at a time. If I try to handle everything as a whole instead of just facing the current issue, I'll get overwhelmed and anxious and I'll just want to back off. I've learned to breathe and be kind to myself.








One thing to remember is that it's okay to feel a little anxious over something new, just don't let it consume you. Take your time to work through the problem and your fear and understand that you wouldn't be put in the position to do what you're doing if you weren't meant to do it. Be kind and be patient with yourself and everything will work out in the end.


IG: AsiaJaxon

Twitter: AsiaJaxon

Youtube: COMING SOON!


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Remember to spread lots of light and love and to be kind, always. Thank you guys for hanging in there with me, be sure to keep a lookout for videos dropping this week along with a new blog post every Monday! See you next time!

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